7. You are always the cop, nag, monitor or reminder
Don’t be always the judge. Be the father/mother of your kid. Be their best friend in the whole world. Play with your kid, listen to your kid, agree with your kid; there are a lot more things we can learn from them than we are aware of.
8. Your children leave you out
If your children shut you off, that’s a pretty strong sign they are afraid of you for something you did in the past. Try to reconnect with them.
9. Your children don’t bring their friends over
If your children don’t connect you with their friends there is something they don’t want you to know about them. The core problem to this is that they are afraid to be completely open with you. Somewhere along the line you did something that shut them off.
10. Your children are “all work and no play”
Not just our children, but all of us should play throughout the day. Playfulness is Fun and Fun is Living. Just because you are working all of the time doesn’t mean that you are productive. Some of the best, in fact, 99% of the best work is done through playfulness. Let your kid be a kid and listen to his soul, and you, try to free the kid inside of you and start listening to your own soul, just like before you became afraid.
11. You are the only one
Of course you are not the only one. Don’t lie to your kid! Why lie? You are always the only real father/mother but there are friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, teachers, mentors, even enemies that need to be a part of your children’s life.
12. You forbid anything
Never forbid anything. Who do you think you are?! Instead, advice where is the right way.
13. The rules are the rules, no questions asked
Explain to your children why they need to wash their hands before lunch, why they need to eat a healthy diet. Let them understand the life they are living.
14. You are authoritarian, not authoritative
Earn your children’s trust, don’t force it.
15. You are as cold as ice
Let your children get to know the person you really are. I know sometimes it is best to act strong so you can carry your family on your back, but what will make you Stronger as a Family is if you get to know each other on the most emotional level possible. Tell your fears, show your emotions, cry if you feel like crying but don’t shut your kids away. Trauma is not created when kids see you cry, trauma is created when your kids see you cry and they never understand why.
THE CODE
<If you notice yourself making too many rules, threatening, overstepping personal boundaries, conditioning your love, saying hurtful words, not spending enough time, always monitoring and judging your children, if your children shut you off from their personal life, if you focus only on work and don’t explain the rules you give, if you rob your children from spending time with other people, if you are as cold as ice or force your children to respect you, you are too strict and you need to reconnect with your children on a level of love>
